Once upon a time, there lived a young child and her father. Unfortunately, the child's happy life ended abruptly and was taken over by an evil stepmother and two horrible stepsisters. Her father was killed in war and the child's stepmother took over her whole entire life. The evil three called the child Kaoruella, because her original name was Kaoru and the stepmother had called each of her daughters (Sandorella, Midorella) with an 'ella'. Each day she washed the dishes and cleaned the clothes and scrubbed the floors, and she was forced to wear rags with a dirty white apron. One day, there was going to be a wonderful sword fight by two wonderful fighters. Poor Kaoruella couldn't go, and she wept her eyes out as her sisters immediately chose her dead mother's scarves and clothes and some of her own jewellery. They danced off, leaving her to wash, clean and scrub after them. She did her work and cried very hard, when suddenly...
Kaoruella: I DO wish I could go to that sword fight...
Unknown visitor: Hello, Kaoruella, I am here to give your destiny.
Kaoruella: Fate sent me a little KID to help me?!
Unknown visitor: I'm no kid, I'm Myoujin Yahiko, a samurai sent to help you!
Kaoruella: Oh... ~still wary~
Unknown visitor: And you can stop calling me 'unknown visitor', Shuken.
Shuken: ...Hmmm? Oh, sure, right.
Kaoruella: How can you help me?
Weird grumpy kid: Well, you see, I have a special- VIOLET...!!!
Weird grumpy kid: CALL ME BY MY NAME FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!
Shuken: ...Hmmm? Oh, that, fine.
Kaoruella: A special what?
Yahiko-chan: Huh? Yeah, excactly...VIOLET, CALL ME JUST PLAIN 'YAHIKO'!!!
Shuken: NOW he tells me! Okay, no worries. Go on.
Yahiko: THANK YOU! Okay, now, Kaoruella, I have a magical shinai that can help you -
Kaoruella: SHINAI?! ~faces~ Shuken...
Shuken: ~overreacting~ I had to make it original!
Kaoruella: ~huffed~ Fine then, go on.
Yahiko: As I was saying, I have a magical shinai that can help you. Here, now, listen carefully.
Bring me six onigiri, one bedsheet, a piece of black cloth and a pumpkin like yourself. Kaoruella: WHAT?!
Yahiko: Like I said, a pumpkin like yourself.
Kaoruella: WHY YOU...!!!
Yahiko: Hey no violence, okay? Do you want to see the sword fight or not?
Kaoruella: Fine then...
Shuken: ...Hmmmm? Oh yeah, narration...Tsubame-chan?
(five minutes later)
Kaoruella: Here they are. I had to make the onigiri real quick...
Yahiko: Throw away two onigiri.
Yahiko: I was gonna eat two of the six, but it looks kinda unedible.
Kaoruella: WHAT?! ~irritated~
Yahiko: Just throw it away and bring the other four and the cloth and bedsheet! And don't forget
that pumpkin...or should I say your twin? Now, now, don't get mad. Just bring that pumplin...
Kaoruella: FINE! HERE! ~mad~
Tsubame: Oh, right.
(Kaoruella tosses the pumpkin at Yahiko-chan's feet...)
Yahiko: WHAT THE HECK?!
Tsubame: Oops, sorry.
(Kaoruella tosses the pumpkin at Yahiko-kun's feet.)
Kaoruella: Now what?
Yahiko: Put two onigiri underneath the pumpkin and two infront of the pumpkin.
Kaoruella: OBEYS THIS BRAT?!
Kaoruella: Oops, sorry.
Yahiko: Now wrap the bedsheet around yourself and the cloth around your waist.
(Kaoruella does as told.)
(Onigiri turns to two beautiful black and white horses.)
(Pumpkin and two squashed onigiri turns into white carriage and two weird looking wheels.)
(Materials turn into ...)
Tsubame: Who wrote this script?
Shuken: I did. Now carry on.
(...Materials turn to a silk black and white Hakama.)
Kaoruella: A HAKAMA?!! How about a long, flowing, sparkling kimono?
Yahiko: Uh, sorry, I dunno the hems and stitch.
Shuken: Sorry Kaoruella, but it's because your chest is too big and that hakama matches you
(Slinks into corner and turns big eyed and starts sobbing.)
Yahiko: Remember, you must be back by midnight - Geesh, stop crying and jump
into this carriage.
(Jumps into carriage.)
Yahiko: And wear these glass sandals, they're at least sparkling and shiny
enough for your
Kaoruella: Why, they're beautiful! Thanks!
Tsubame: Aaahhh, the most sentimental moment...
Shuken: Tsubame, narrate.
Tsubame: Oops, alright.
(Kaoruella goes off in her carriage towards the great sword fight.)
Kenshin: Sanosuke, meet your match today!
Sanosuke: You will regret this!
Crowd: Kenshin! Sanosuke! Kenshin! Sanosuke!
Kenshin: No I won't, but I will regret not meeting a proper match...
(Sanosuke swings his fist dangerously close)
Kenshin: ORO?? I meant a GIRL!
Sanosuke: Whoops, sorry.
Kenshin: That.., that girl! In that hakama!
Sanosuke: That big-chested hakama-matching girl?
Kenshin: Uh, yes... ~sweatdrops~ she's so beautiful!
Sanosuke: She is? ~incredulously~
Kenshin: Yes... I MUST speak to her! I know I must! But...
Sanosuke: Go ahead! What's the 'but' for?
Kenshin: How should I?
Sanosuke: Ask her for a duel.
Kenshin: You mean, like, a sword-fight?
Sanosuke: Excactly. Go on.
(Kaoruella notices some red-head heading her way.)
Kaoruella: ~Oh man, what a babe!~
Kenshin: Uh, I was wondering...
Kaoruella: Wondering what?
Kenshin: My name is Kenshin, and I thought...since you're in a hakama and stuff. Duel?
Kaoruella: Uh...sure... ~but unsure~
Kenshin: Great! Follow me...
Kaoruella: [Wasn't what I was hoping for, but...]
(Tosses a bokken over to Kaoruella.)
(Catches it skilfully.)
Sanosuke: Okay, guys get ready! Itchi, ni , san, GO!
(They have a round, but wonders of all wonders, Kaoruella cleverly knocks out Kenshin's sword.)
Kenshin: Whoa, you've got SOME talent.
Clock: GONG - GONG -
Kaoruella: Ahck, it's midnight!
Clock: -GONG - GONG -
Kaoruella: Goodbye, I must go!
Kenshin: What's your name?
Clock: GONG - GONG
Kaoruella: I have no time! Arigatou, but farewell!
Kenshin: Wait up!
Clock: GONG~ GONG~
Kaoruella ran down the small steps and, quite by accident, left a glass sandal behind. With no time to pick it up, she raced down the hall and away. Into her carriage she went, and came home in a jiffy. However...
Yahiko: Kaoruella, what are you doing here so early?
Kaoruella: Huh? Isn't it-?
Tsubame: It's only 11:59.
Kaoruella: Oh my! I still have a minute left to tell Kenshin who I am!
Yahiko: Too late; only twenty seconds left.
Yahiko: T-minus ten seconds...
Kaoruella: Couldn't you, like, I mean -
Yahiko: T-minus five seconds...
Kaoruella: Just, like, tranport me there, like, by-
Yahiko: T-minus two seconds...
Kaoruella: In a jiffy?
Kaoruella: Huh? My Hakama! It's gone!
Yahiko: Sorry, T-minus zero seconds.
Kaoruella: And so is my glass sandal!
Tsubame: No, it's still on.
Kaoruella: I meant my other one!
Shuken: Kaoruella, props cost a lot...
Shuken: ~GASP~ How could you? ~more overreaction...~
(Meanwhile, after the sword-fight ended with Kenshin winning...)
Kenshin: I can't stand it!
Sanosuke: Neither can I. How could you win? I mean, like -
Kenshin: I meant the girl, you dolt! The girl who wore the hakama!
Sanosuke: Ah, you like that girl. Fallen head over heels in love.
Kenshin: No I haven't!
Sanosuke: Yes you have.
Kenshin: I haven't! I just happen to find her ... intimidating!
Sanosuke: Same thing as love.
Kenshin: Fine then, I admit it. I love her. How do I find her?
Sanosuke: Well, I happened to have found this...
Kenshin: Her glass sandal!
Sanosuke: Excactly. Set up a proclaimation, looking for the owner. The one who owns it marries you.
Kenshin: Will it work?
Sanosuke: Dammit, Of course it will! Now go!
(So Kenshin set up a proclaimation and Sanosuke went to find the owner the next day.)
Stepmother: Why, what a lovely surprise. Hello oh-great one. What has brought
Great-one: I'm the great Sanosuke, and I am here to-
Some other guy behind him: He ain't great! Kenshin is the one who's great, he beat Sanosuke!
(Looks less interested in Sanosuke and Sanosuke kicks the guy behind him's butt)
Stepsisters: Hello! What are you doing here?
Sanosuke: Well, there is this mysterious lady Kenshin fell in love with, and we must find this mystery lady.
Stepmother: Well, I assure you, one of my daughters must be her!
Sanosuke: Let me see if their feet fits into this sandal.
Stepmother: Of course it will! Sandorella...
Sandorella: My foot will surely fit it...
(They try it on but the foot nearly breaks it. Her toe gets two blisters and she sulks away.)
Stepmother: Then it should obviously fit Midorella...Midorella?
Midorella: I am sure it'll fit me perfectly.
(Midorella's foot is too small and slips through the sandal too easily. She sulks away.)
Stepmother: Oh my, I'm so sorry, go on with your little quest.
Sanosuke: Is that all?
Stepmother: Do slaves count?
Sanosuke: Is she a girl?
Sanosuke: All girls count. Bring her to me.
Stepmother: Go get her Midorella.
Midorella: Yes mother.
(Midorella fetches Kaoruella reluctantly.)
Sanosuke: Try this sandal on.
(It fits perfectly.)
Sanosuke: Oh my, you are the mystery lady! Just before you come into Kenshin's
house, I have to give you a mini quiz. What does Kenshin always say?
Sanosuke: Correct! What did Kenshin give you to fight with him?
Kaoruella: A bokken.
Sanosuke: Right again! Lastly, what were you wearing to the fight?
Kaoruella: A black and white hakama!
Sanosuke: Up aboard, Jou-chan. As for you ladies,
(He faces the step girls)
Sanosuke: You are history. I recognise this lady as the daughter of Kamiya-san,
and she has
inherited every single coin and dust of his money and this house. So pack up. Go, shoo!
(This happens, and the ladies walk away sulkily, and Yahiko-chan and -)
(Uh, I mean, this happens, and Yahiko-kun and Tsubame and Shuken follow them. [for some weird reason])
Kenshin: You! Oh, please, before I ask you a very important question, what is
Kaoruella: My name is Kamiya Kaoru.
Kenshin: Kaoru... ~pauses~ Kaoru-dono, will you please marry me?
Kaoru: Kenshin, I hereby say with the honesty and truth in all my heart, yes.
So the stupid sappy three [sisters + stepmom] disappear. Yahiko asks Tsubame out after a while and Kaoru and Kenshin marry happily ever after. [Shuken is rejected. Left to sulk by herself and think of another fanfic]
The lovely bubbly mumbly fumbly END.
(Jiken's, eh-hem, way of saying the end...[she agreed to it])
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